February 2012
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why does Nicki Minaj always sound demonic when she raps?
it’s seriously the most terrifying thing i’ve ever heard.
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watching TOWIE for the first time
me: oh my god what the fuck is thi-
towie: when you run the london marathon your nipples bleed
me: what
towie: and your toenails fall off
me: my IQ is dropping significantly stop thi-
towie: you're like, well jell babes
me: what is happening
towie: shut up, like
me: what i didn't say anythi-
towie: YOU'RE JUST WELL JELL
me: I didn't say any-
towie: SHUT
me: but i haven-
towie: UP
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Watch
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Meanwhile in Britain: Jesus christ this heat i'm sweating like a pig god everybody strip its a fucking heat wave hide yo kids get out the sun cream DON'T GO OUTSIDE IT'S TWELVE DEGREES OUT THERE
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I taught my cat how to high five me for treats..
Well, I say high-five - she taps my palm everytime I show her food.
I spent about half an hour teaching her and giving her treats because I was bored.
Went upstairs 20 mins later to find that the little shit had thrown up all over my mattress/bedsheets/favourite hoodie.
She just sat there and watched me clear it up whilst I nearly cried because it’s so gross.
CATS. KNOW. HOW. TO. GET....
when girls call their boobs
‘the twins’
jumping on the bandwagon
and naming mine jedward.
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When creationists say “You can’t disprove the existence of God.”
I’m an atheist - I’m not trying to disprove anything. I’m just saying I simply don’t believe in it.
Also, having applied the logic of “you can’t disprove something if you don’t have the evidence to back it up” to lets say something like the disappearance of Madeleine...
i beg of you someone explain the
airport
posts thing
please
I hate the fact that the more time you spend with someone, the more you miss them when they leave. Fjdhfdjsdfhd I’m so soppy today it’s incredible but I just want to re-live this entire weekend, please.
A Gordon Ramsay poem
gordonramsaypoetry:
Touch the meat Touch the meat. It’s raw. Raw.
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holy fucking SHIT
WHY DON’T MY OVARIES FUCKING FUNCTION PROPERLY
YOU CAN’T JUST
DO THAT
IT’S BEEN 8 DAYS
EIGHT.
DAYS.
CAN YOU JUST FUCK OFF
GOD FUCKING DAMN MY UTERUS ALL UP IN THIS BITCH LIKE IT RUNS THE DAMN PLACE
Mother, why must you assume things
Me: Can I stay at Luke's this weekend?
Mum: The whole weekend?
Me: Please?
Mum: Fine, fine.. Just be back by 12 on Sunday and make sure you call me during the weekend.
Me: Thanky-
Mum: AND DON'T GET YOURSELF PREGNANT
Me:
Mum:
Me:
Mum:
Me:
Mum:
Me: I'll see you on Sunday.
